It's been a while. I'm keeping the other blog up (http://wanttoknowmythoughts.blogspot.com/) but for whatever reason, this blog title seems to relate to the phase I'm in right now... and since it's a free country and no one really cares where I right but me, here it is... in all it's stinky and shiny glory.
Still Young... Not Quite Old.... Yup... I'm pregnant. Official Due Date April 4th, 2014. I'm not ashamed to say this one was not planned by us but by God. Normally I would scoff at people who say that. However, I know this child has a specific destiny to fulfill. There is knowing and then there is KNOWING. I have moments where I fear this kid will get special or more specific treatment than the other two. But then I realize I did feel the same about the other two we were just expecting their lives to show up and this one came as a surprise. But a good one.
For those who have known me a while, I've always wanted to have a bunch of kids, just not out of this body. There was a time when I said I didn't want kids at all. However, now I understand it was just fear talking. I had an awareness of the magnitude of being a parent that I didn't take lightly. I still don't. Does that make me a perfect parent? HELLZ NO! But it does mean I try and weigh my parenting decisions as best I can.
The pregnancy hormones have made this an interesting week. Last week I progressed from dry heaving/throwing up to headaches. This week its been headaches and emotions. VERY emotional. In a nutshell (ok... let's face it... I can't say anything in a few words), I feel like I'm grieving the loss of relationship I have with Jack & Lizzie. It will never be the same again. Even now, there is talk of a baby that they haven't seen yet they understand life is changing. Then add the excitement of a new little! #4 to me, #3 to the rest of the world. BIG DEAL. I bought the baby's first onsie and a couple of sleepers... gender neutral of course....
Last week Lizzie missed 2 days of school. We figured she was horribly sick. She wasn't sleeping at night because of coughing, she was tired and glassy eyed through the day, not eating as much and just not my Lizzie. After a conversation about her health in the past 6 months the assessment is that she caught a virus at the beginning of the school year. Add emotional stress of starting big school and sleeping in her own bed (no more cuddling all night) and she developed allergies and asthma type symptoms. We were given Albuteral and sent home to cuddle at night. The first dose I messed up and only gave her 1/2 but she slept so much better. 3 nights in and she was sleeping threw the night. Conclusion? Our girl is not ready to give up the cuddles so we are compromising. Cuddles and then in her own bed she goes til morning. Then we wake up and have cuddle time before school. She may grow out of it - but for now- it leaves us room to stay present in her life as well as room for the new baby (hello- lazy parent - baby will be sleeping with me until we sleep through the night).
Jack is struggling with sleeping in his own bed (ok with his sister on a full) but in a slightly different way. He needs cuddles too. Maybe we never grow out of it? (I like snugglin' with the hubs).
Scott is being super husband and dad at the moment. His computer/video game time has diminished. He spends quality time with the kids and me everyday. I truly have nothing to complain about. So many woman can complain about their husbands and while I can nitpick, he's truly been there throw this past year. Remember? I became a Triathlete? yeah... he was my support and the kids awesome dad while I took some me time.
So all in all life is good. Life is changing. Life is not as I predicted. Life is learning about this journey with God. I'm learning more and more about how God sees me and how I can see myself. I'm learning. I like it.
Hope y'all have had a wonderful day!
